This isn’t the first time that one of my friends have died, and every time something like this happens, I always end up thinking about the meaning of death and consequences of it. One thing I have always sort of struggled with is understanding that there is no right or wrong way to deal with death. I can never understand how sad I’m supposed to get. Like if I get really sad, I kind of don’t have the right to do that because it’s their death not mine, let’s say that I decide to be sad, I then get confused as to how sad I should be, but being happy around it also feels kind of like disregarding their memory. I know that I am over thinking this, I don’t need to be told that I should feel whatever I feel; because honestly all I feel is confusion. Just confused as to how I feel. Another thing that always gets me is forgetting that the person has died, because for me it confirms theories that I had while being suicidal. I understood that people would be sad that I did something like that
dun dun dun well, I guess im using this as a fucking diary sorta thing anyway im in the middle of my yr 13 mocks im doing university applications Ive got my bio mock tomorrow I wanna die cause im going to fail I wanna write more about what's going on but not really sure how to do it my legs are killing me because im sitting on the floor with my legs crossed and I have serious pins and needles so I want to die ill write more tomorrow or even later tonight who knows anyway... this is my first weird ass post and lets see where we go from here